berserko.org

As many of you know, there has been quite a lot of email activity the past day and a half or so. With all the email spoofing going on, it can be difficult to keep track of who wrote what, so here’s a rundown. If you have more information I don’t have, please let me know.

***

June 24, 2008 @ 4:30 p.m.: David sends this email out to everyone except me, Joanna, and Lesli while pretending to be me:

Subject: Sad News About Survivor Competition

Competitors,

I hope this email reaches everyone. We may need to make calls to make sure everyone gets the message. Last year, a fake email was sent out by an anonymous player (ahem, my brother) in an attempt to keep competitors from showing up at Survivor. That’s why we have stressed the need this year to not believe anything coming from anyone except myself, Lesli, and Joanna. The following message is from us and is official, unfortunately.

Late Monday evening, a rare and nearly extinct reptile was discovered to reside in the Harding’s lake. Officials at A&M have confirmed the discovery, and since this is such a rare creature, and is on the endangered species list with TPWD (Texas Parks and Wildlife Division), some changes are going to be made to our schedule. TPWD has temporarily cordoned off the entire lake and about 30 feet around the shoreline all the way around. A team of wildlife biologists is on the way from Austin to examine the habitat and see if it is suitable for the creature (/Pseudes kerux/, or more commonly called, the Yelchneb Salamander). You can look it up at: http://www.worldwildlife.org/species/index.html (use the Species Finder tool and type in the Latin name: /Dey fud woolwin byedea falltt/).

If the biologists decide that the survival of the salamander may be endangered by transporting it, they will temporarily seize the lake property until further notice. What this means for us is that Survivor Benchley 2008 is postponed until further notice. Sorry guys. Don’t show up here on Friday or Saturday. I know it’s sad, but it is really a pain for the Hardings especially right now. Here’s an excerpt from the Eagle newspaper:

“A&M researchers confirmed the existence of an endangered
salamander late Monday evening on private property just north of
Bryan. Biologists are on their way later this week to assess
the situation and make recommendations to the Governor’s Council
of Wildlife Preservation. For now, state workers have cordoned
off an area covering approximately 5.6 acres.

“I just can’t believe it,” cried resident Ruth Ann Harding. “I
mean, just Sunday we were at church listening to our handsome
young preacher named David Watson, and now we’re in the middle
of a huge state-sponsored investigation.” She later added with
a wink, “Too bad my dog didn’t find that salamander first.”

Owner Tim Harding opined, “I’ve always loved salamanders. They
taste just like chicken!”

“Woof!” said Max, Harding’s companion…”

Read the full article at: http://www.theeagle.com/columnists/Donkey-enthusiasts-try-to-set-Guinness-world-record-

So here’s what we need from all of you:

1. Don’t show up for the competition.
2. Don’t call us to confirm this email. Joanna is pretty upset because she put a lot of work into the preparations. That’s why I am the one who is sending this email.
3. Since my modem has been acting up, direct any questions to David Watson.
4. Get ready for Survivor Benchley 2009

Thanks,
Mark

***

June 24, 2008 @ 4:35 p.m.: David switches his email settings back to normal and replies to “my” email:

Bummer man. Well, maybe next year.

David

***

June 24, 2008 @ 5:20 p.m.: Adam pretends to be Joanna and sends the following email in reply to David’s email:

David, as we’d told you last year, this blatant manipulation of electronic mediums to decieve the good people of Benchley is unacceptable, and you are officially removed from competing this year, and your previous title of 5th place is officially removed from your record. To all others involved, please do not resort to such petty means of removing players from the competition that threaten you. Please use bodily harm. jo-

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

***

At this point, Dave is a little worried because he actually believes Adam’s email. While he’s at our house for unrelated reasons, he calls Joanna to see what’s going on. She is not aware of any of this email traffic and thinks he’s being an idiot, so she hangs up on him. She calls him back in a few minutes, apologizes for hanging up on him. He’d asked if he can come see what she’s working on since he’s been kicked out of the competition. She tells him no, but doesn’t understand why he thinks he’s out.

Then the elders start getting in on the fun when Mike Fleming sends this to David:

Have you seen the Help Wanted section of today’s “BCS Eagle”?

*/Immediate opening exists for Gospel preacher. Must be TRUTHFUL. / / Cheaters at sports events need not apply./*
/*Contact the Benchley church….ASAP*/
// //

***

June 24, 2008 @ 10:08 p.m.: David then makes an effort to explain himself so that no one will be misled.

Well, it looks like the elders are finally getting rid of me. Let’s face it…we all saw this coming. Personally, I never thought I’d make it this long!

As a parting favor, I will now explain the email:

1. I went into my account settings and changed it to Mark’s name to make it look like it was from him.
2. There is no rare salamander at the lake. Or maybe there is, and it’s so rare we haven’t found it yet.
3. I got “Pseudes kerux” from my Vine’s Expository Dictionary. It is Greek for “lying preacher.”
4. Unscramble “Yelchneb Salamander” to get “Benchley Salamander.”
5. Say “Dey fud woolwin byedea falltt” fast and you get “David will win by default”
6. The only true part of the Eagle story is the handsome preacher part.
7. The game is ON!!!!

Defending Champ,
David

***

The game isn’t over though!

June 25, 2008 @ 9:45 a.m.: Jesse sends this to David and I: